Pan Dulce's : We are finally home Sali....

When I was a little girl I always felt safe and loved. My childhood (0-12) was amazing. When I remember details from my childhood I feel happy. When I was 13 my parents made the decision to move to Texas. I remember I was excited first- The excitement of moving..I had spent many summers in texas with my family. I thought it would be cool. I could still remember driving in to El Paso and stopping at my Grandparents house. I had not been in Texas in the month of March. It was cold and gloomy. No one was outside. The skies was amazing but cold. I immediately felt something was wrong. I felt sadness. I was 13, how did I know at that moment this was a bad mistake.
The next several months we lived in my aunts 'guest house' waiting for our house to be built in the East side.. I hated it. I missed my friends(like Griselda) back home especially my nieces Vanessa and Ashley. I spent many days wondering what my life would be if I was back home in Santa Ana. Of course I did not know how to express my sadness to my parent or anyone else.
For the next 5 years my life was a roller-coster. Moving back and fourth from Texas to California never feeling I belonged. I was angry and depressed. I would start a school year make friends and then from one minute to another we would move.
When I turned 18 and my brother needed me to help him out with his girls while him and his wife commuted from Riverside County to Orange County I jumped on the chance to leave Texas. This was 1993. I left Texas in Jan. 1993 and never looked back. I left with out saying bye to my friends. I did not take with me addresses or phone number to keep in touch. I wanted to forget the last 5 years...DRAMA QUEEN I know. I am leaving OUT lots of details, I don't want to bore you.
Anyway now fast forward to today. I realize as a parent it is easy to make mistakes and not talk with you kids about it. I wished my parents and I had talked. When we finally did I learned that not only my sister and I suffered from this move but so did my mother.
It was extremely difficult to "shake the disease"
My girls have been through a lot in their short lives and I need to remember to make sure I talk with them,put myself in their shoes. Ask God for guidance to be a better parent. I want them to feel free to come to me and Josh with what ever is on their minds.
It's been 21 years since that move. I won't lie I still feel I have to fight back the tears. I need to take a deep breathe and know that I now have a home and I do belong.