no title...for now.

i wanted to come up here and write earlier today but it was 5:40 and well i was freezing.
so here I am now..and it's late. the girls are almost ready for school, they need to be out the door by 8:50...

i wanted to write about my life today..the ups and downs I have.
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
I have questions. I don't believe I have lost myself along the way. (the last 3yrs) but I know I have changed. I am stronger, my focus have sifted. My values have changed. my faith is stronger.
So this is how I see/feel my change.
I start at home. that is where my heart is and i am needed the most and lets face it..it is where i want to be.
I love my home. my husband. my kids. I love this life of mine. my focus in not going out there and getting wasted. and by no means am I judging...but those few people I know that like to leave their kids with a sitter every chance they get to go out and get drunk...well..if that works for you, so be it but that is not for me.
Yes, we plan our dates. we try to go out on dates as time and money allows.
it may be dinner and movie or a good show.
The last few months have been tough money wise. I know it is time to get back out there and join the rat race..it's just been hard to find a job..never in my short career have I struggled with finding a job...my thought on this...and this is where my faith takes me.
when I NEEDED a job or I would be homeless I had a job...that is not case nowadays...I believe all in GOD's time. Like I always say..'he knows what we want..and gives you what you need.' those can be 2 differnt things.
I myself am struggling with 'patients' I need to calm down and turn it over to god and leave it there. holding on to my worries is not going to help me.
I need to focus on what and who needs me and what I have control of...

so all this loss of sleep and stomach butterflys need to go away.
and yes I have control of that.

as of today..I am staying the moment...enjoying how that much the wiser...growing older is awesome...mentally. cause i know i dont look old...haha!
loving my man with all my heart and soul and my kids...they are my loves. my babies.
my pumpkins.

ok i am off...
its 850 and the girls need to get to school.

ttyl/