.searching for something.

i have not been blogging much for several reasons.
one being that our office is up-stairs and i am always down below with the kids.
if i do come up here its because Steven is sleeping...but my goodness when I return down stairs..my girls have a bit of a mess.
anyway..its been a roller coaster ride for me these past few weeks. now that we are settled in and loving our home other things come to mind. i have been feeling disconnected from a few of my friends. some have disappointed me. sucks because you all really shouldn't disappoint me...hmmm?!
several of my friends call me their best-friend???Oh yeah that is why i haven't talked to you in about 6 weeks? WTF is that. It actually pisses me off.
I don't call anyone my best friend.
Another thing is why do you all hide? some of you hide and its the stupidest thing...you hide because you are ashamed of your bs life? WTF ever?!?!
It's your life and you are chosing to live it that way..why hide?
lol! I know when I fuck up I'm the first to admit it.
I'm not ashamed.
I'm angry I guess. I'm venting.
I'm hurt a bit.
I will get over it.
sad part is that I have been snaping at Josh for no reason.
sucks. I doing a lot better.
I am doing something special for him this weekend.
I love him so.
our kids.
our life.
damn its hot up here in this room.
so yeah I will be contacting my friends that are on my shit list..soon